Food

I love food. I just love other people to make it for me!

Mr B has always done the cooking. This actually started by accident as Mr B was always the first home from work in the evening as I had a long commute. Then the less I cooked the more I feared it. There has also been some catastrophic failures on my part (thinking evaporated and condensed milk were the same!) which haven't helped my confidence. Then there is the added complication that Mr B is vegetarian.

With maternity leave approaching I decided I wanted to 'earn my keep' and start preparing dinner in the week, well at least a couple of evenings anyway. I also wanted to try and save some money on the groceries, to move away from the nearly-ready meals and to stop throwing food away which we had become terrible at. These past couple of weeks, as I have started to find my stride as a mother of two, I have started to experiment with some recipes.

I figured the key to succeeding in this must be the planning so I have been pinning to my 'food' board on Pinterest for quite some time. That has been a great source of inspiration, along with the contents of the fridge and the BBC Good Food website has also become my new best friend.

Some hits so far have been:

• One-pot mushroom & potato curry
• Roasted squash and red onion pasta
• Welsh goat's cheese & leek tart
• Gnocchi & tomato bake
• Leek & mushroom quiche

We'll enter my third week next week when I've got mushroom and bean hotpot, veggie bolognese, lentil chilli, spinach lasagne and chickpea curry to choose from. That's if Mr B can keep himself out of the kitchen!

She's here

Well this is a very belated post but I had forgotten how hard it is to get even 10 minutes to yourself with a newborn baby, let alone with a 3 year old too.

So baby R arrived, slightly by surprise, on the 9th May 2014. I really need to find the time to write up her birth story which was amazing but in the meantime here are our first few weeks. How is she a week old already?!

She arrived perfectly and her big brother loved her immediately.

Feeding is going well (especially compared to last time) and she has been putting on weight since she was born. At one point at least 1oz per day. She is still small but a lot bigger than the 6lb 1oz she was at birth.

She has fitted into our family with ease and is happily very content.

The weeks are going far too fast and we are starting to go out and meet new friends and reconnect with old.

Life with a family of four is pretty damn good!

My little sister

E has been a major part of our journey with baby. Right from when he was eating his dinner with Mr B and I read out the pregnancy test result. He has even chosen her name (more on that in the future!) and is constantly hugging and kissing my bump.

He's always asking 'what's baby doing', 'does baby want some juice', 'is baby OK mummy?'. Occasionally he will kick me when playing and when I tell him to be careful the answer is always 'it wasn't me it was baby' said with his trademark cheeky smile.

I, being an only child, always wanted to be able to have a brother or sister for E but part of me was always worried about him feeling left out and us not being able to devote as much attention to him. I guess this is what all parents go through when deciding to have a second baby. However, these past 8/9 months he has really taken to the idea and is very excited about getting his new little sister.

The shouts of 'baby get out' are becoming more often and he wants baby here now. We have tried to explain that she is not going to do much when she arrives - just cry, sleep and have cuddles. Despite this I do wonder whether he thinks she's going to come out a fully working playmate.

Since I started drafting this post we have had the ECV to try and move baby which was unforunately unsucessful. We now have to decide whether to go for an elective c-section or to attempt a 'natural' breech birth. Just re-reading this has actually reminded me what is important. The birth is such a small part of her overall story and that is what I need to focus on whilst I tie myself up in knots trying to make a decision which is best for all of us, as a family of four.

x

Turning three!

So it is now a week since E turned 3! Our little baby is now a little boy.

I haven't had chance to post any photos on here since as we have been too busy celebrating. A Thomas the Tank Engine themed birthday party last Saturday (blogpost coming), a family meal and then topped off with a week away in Hunstanton (more about that soon!).

But it would be a shame not to mark the turning of 3 properly.

So on turning three, E loves:

• - trains
• - dancing (but only to 'Go, go Thomas' and 'Day of the Diesels')
• - making up songs ('Pizza pizza' and 'By Baby Bye')
• - making us laugh - he is such a comedian!
• - chattering away to himself when playing with his trains making up little stories
• - his best friend Mia from nursery
• - his Nana & Grandpa and Nannans and Grandad (always asking when we are going to see them)
• - helping Mummy (he is currently sat next to me on his 'laptop' typing away)
• - the colours blue and yellow
• - chocolate and beans on toast

September starts

There are two times during the year that I start to feel twitchy. I start to feel the need for lists, for new beginnings, that it's the time to take action. I get that little buzz from new ideas, new projects.

Photo: Taken by me (iPhone)

One of these times is the period between Christmas and New Year when the urge to start a list is just too strong to ignore. The other is now, the start of September. Now we all know I like a project and a good list but there is something about these times of the year where it is particularly strong. It probably has something to do with the weather changing, the start of the countdown to the end of the year, the fact that my holiday entitlement is fast being used up - but it is most likely to be the many years of returning to school after the school holidays.

In fact, I've just googled it. After not really knowing what search term to use 'back to school syndrome' seemed to do the trick. In an article on cosmopolitan.co.uk there is evidence to suggest that I am not alone. The article talks about exactly what I have been feeling, stating that 'essentially, after 16 years of school and uni, we’re mentally programmed to get ready for new beginnings in autumn' and that following the summer we are 'more focused and therefore more emotionally ready for change'. Apparently, and I could not find a source for this elsewhere but, stats have shown that more than 70% of us are still more likely to make a life-changing decision in the month of September.

Well at least I am not the only one going through this. I had started to put these feelings down to various other things. My 'baby' is growing up fast, I've been in my job for nearly 12 months, we have been getting itchy feet with our house etc, etc but this has probably just made things feel stronger.

All the talk about 'back-to-school' on the tv, radio, and in shops has after (a fair) few years out of the education system started to feel a bit too real. Children's friends are starting school and there are only a couple of years before it will be E's turn. School life will be here all too quickly I am sure.

So, I might have to embrace these feelings. Start a new hobby (urm, I may have tried that before!) or maybe I should just treat myself to some new stationery.

Does anyone else have these feelings? I'd love to hear your experiences and solutions!

The best days of the week

Since going back to work full time weekends have become so much more precious.

They've always been the best days of the week but at the minute they feel like the only reason to survive the week. But, with that comes the pressure to make them count. 

This weekend was a mixture of laziness, seeing family and seeing friends. The thing that tends to be missing from most of our weekends is time with just the three of us. Maybe Mr B is working so it's just me and the little one, or there is family to see who have flown in from here or there. Or there are the normal jobs to do. You know, the washing, tidying, gardening, the mundane that you don't notice until they're not done! Time as just the three of us seems to fall off the 'list'.

We are fortunate to live close to immediate family and this weekend alone we've seen both sets of parents, an aunty who lives in Italy and her son who's at uni in the UK, my cousin who lives in Sydney, friends from school, friends from Uni, our 6 week old niece and another aunty who lives in Texas. We've shared meals, eaten out, drank wine, played in the garden and been for a walk at a local country park. The best thing is E just loves being in the company of others. He's very social and is in his element with a hoard of admirers. And I'm not going to lie I do try and make the most of this with doting grandparents and aunties around him I try and get to put my feet up for at least 10 minutes :) 

So it's been a great weekend, jobs haven't got done but fun has been had. Now the dread of the week ahead begins. Happy Sunday evening all!

Having it all

Working full time in quite a demanding job with a two year old is clearly not conducive to keeping up a blog. I remember before I started working full time in March 2012 I asked on Twitter for recommendations of any blogs from mum's who worked full time. I thought a few tips from those who were 'doing it all' would be useful. I had a couple of recommendations but the responses that have stuck in my mind are those that said 'don't be crazy, mums working full time won't have time for blogging'. I scoffed and thought I would be able to.

So, no it is pretty much impossible. Getting through the days and the weeks is enough for me. I get home and once little one is in bed, which unfortunately isn't at normal small people's bedtimes, I crash. Completely.

But, I have missed it, missed writing and having something that is mine.

To be honest I had given up on the blog. Decided it was from a different point in my life but then Blogtacular was announced on Twitter.

I've never been happy with the 'mummy blogger' tag as there is so much more to me than being a mum - boy there was so much more to me BEFORE becoming a mum - and finally there is a blog conference that is about creativity and inspiration rather than being a mum, or being female.

So, here's the thing. I can't really be part of Blogtacular if I am not blogging. Just because once upon a time I 'had' a blog doesn't really cut it.

All I need to do now is work out how to fit blogging back into my world. Advice welcome!

I have 9 months to sort myself out before Blogtacular. Crikey I could have a baby in that time, surely I can type some words and collate some pretty photos?!

Does the doubt ever go away?

The doubt is setting in again. That I am not a natural mother.

I love E to bits and often find myself crying with how much I love him but this evening I have asked Mr B to take him for a walk so that I can have some time to myself. I feel bad. He has done nothing wrong, yes he has been a bit more whingey than normal these past few days but nothing to complain about. Certainly nothing compared to the 'old days'.

He is still smiling and playing, and being his usual charming, monkey self but for some reason I just needed a break.

I have tried to think about whether it's because I am tired? No. Have not been out of the house? No. Missing adult conversation? No. I don't know what it is but I know I needed it.

So rather than catching up on Twitter or Facebook which is what I normally tend to do when I catch a few minutes to myself (when E is asleep) I have decided to do something productive and actually write a blog post. I just don't seem to have had the words recently to write anything, and I haven't been making the time. If I am honest, I feel guilty about having time away from E.

Is this silly? I feel it shouldn't be silly, surely everyone is entitled to some time off but it's not like I am at work. Mr B is at work, 5 days a week, 9-5 and whilst he can't wait to see and play with E when he gets home in the evening, he is entitled to some time on his own too.

I just don't know what the balance is? When I mention to Mr B how I am feeling, he always jokes - well you go to work for me tomorrow and I'll go to the park etc. And to be completely honest I would love to swap for the day. To do something other than just be a Mum. It's not that he doesn't understand or isn't supportive. He couldn't be more supportive. If I arrange a day out at the weekend with a friend, he won't mind, and when you look back over the last few months it is me that has had more time with my friends, away from E than what he has (in my defence, I am just better at organising things than he is!).

I don't know what the solution is. In the next few months I will need to start doing some days of work in the week (who knows where that is coming from, but that is another post altogether) and that will give me time away. Then, I will probably be complaining about not seeing E enough, and focusing on all the things I am missing out on!

There really is no perfect solution is there? Am I over thinking things? Any advice? I can't be the only/first one to feel like this can I? If so, then I really am a crap Mum.